We don’t choose our feelings!
This is the biggest bunch of BS I have finally come to learn over the years. "Choose only happy thoughts and feelings and you feel better," fuck that BS and the horse it rode in on. I apologize now to anyone I may have ever echoed this ridiculous notion to in the past. After 20 some years of embodiment practices I have come to realize the only way to enjoy the good feelings is to be in right relationship with the not so good ones. I have spent years shaming myself and rejecting any feelings that were not all in the name of light and love. For I came to believe certain emotions are good and others are bad, and if you have too many of the bad ones, than that is bad and you damn well better get yourself medicated if you simply can't
'think" your way to happier feelings.
However, in particular after the last two years of deep angst, grief, pain, hatred, jealousy, envy, you name it. I have come to understand that I had to embrace all of these emotions once and for all. And I don’t mean embrace them in a fluffy loving kindness kind of way. I mean, in a bring them on you mother fucker kind of way. Show yourself to me even though I am afraid of you, even though I ’m terrified of you, I am afraid of what I must look at, accept, change and more! I have spent a lifetime running away from you, denying you, judging you, believing you don't exist, drinking you away, sexing you away, medicating you away, numbing you away.
Until one day... I became softer to you, I still don’t like you when rear you rear your ugly head, jealousy
, envy, hatred, but I give you more space, I listen to what you need from me. Maybe you need my attention to take action, to grieve an old wound I still carry, to have more self compassion, to listen to what I have been ignoring or simply let you have your honest and deserving space.
In a very small way, and I mean small, I’m not pretending that I fucking shine love on these emotions. But in a small way, I say thank you, thank you for being the wisdom that you have to offer, thank you for being my radar, my check and balance, my control panel.
Our feelings and our emotional body are literally are sensory mechanism to life.
They are our ally, not our enemy and they are here to share wisdom with us. When we are angry, maybe we need to feel the anger and release it in a way that is helpful for us and others. When we are nervous, when we are triggered, there is something for us to look at within, perhaps a need that is needing attention. When we feel hurt by another, maybe we need to let them know their behaviors are not ok, or we need to remove ourselves from a situation. Our mind has a particular way of changing it’s story to manipulate, to attempt to negate, bypass, or blame you for your OWN feelings. And on the contrary, we don’t want to go around freaking out all over the place and throwing up our emotions and feelings to innocent souls around us, but rather utilize them to guide us greater awareness and self actualization. You’re story about your feelings can change, but your feelings remain the same, they stay the same till you effectively receive them, give them space to be heard, take action and allow them to move and release at their own pace.
Through Tantra practices, dance, music, singing, tapping, exercising, grieving and speaking are all ways that I find I begin to have a better relationship to my intense emotions. Emotions are fluid, they are like water and they can become stagnant, build up debris, and the only way to get them flowing is by actively listening to them and asking how to best allow them and move them.
And sorry, no it is not by telling yourself another story, it is not by using a substance to push them away, it is not by distracting yourself in work, entertainment, ets. It IS about truly owning, befriending and listening to the deep wisdom your body has to say. Even if that wisdom says, "today, go back to bed, cry, cry and cry till you don’t feel like crying anymore, tomorrow is another day to feel perhaps something different."
What we choose to do with those feelings is where we get tripped up.
We avoid, negate, bypass, blame another, lash out etc… because for God sakes we are too ashamed of our feelings or bygolly someone is to blame for making us feel them
Let your feelings be your guide, not your enemy.