The Dark Night of the Soul

The Dark Night of the Soul is one of the most epic and difficult journeys a person can undertake in a lifetime. For many, experiencing the dark night—or witnessing someone else endure it can be terrifying. It arrives when we are forced to face our shadow, to lose something (or many things) we cling to. It is a soul initiation, guiding us to remember who we truly are and revealing the unexpected freedom that can emerge through loss and detachment.

Most of us resist this journey with everything we have. We grasp at worldly comforts, attachments, and identities. But eventually, life will strip us down, and we will be asked to surrender.

As witnesses to another’s dark night, if we can hold their hand, cheer them on, and simply stay present, the path becomes more bearable. But when those around us judge or reject what we are going through, it can feel unbearable. Every religion or spiritual path includes its own version of this initiation. It is a rite of passage—a sacred unraveling that leads to remembrance. And when the journey nears its completion, some of life’s deepest insights may be revealed.

I have walked through two dark nights of the soul so far. The first came in my early thirties. The second, more recent. I won’t sugarcoat it—these were not easy times. I had to confront the loss of who I thought I was, and let go of the people, comforts, and identities that once defined me. I had to walk away from relationships. I had to grieve the familiar. I had to sit in the unknown.

It’s not easy to be a friend or family member watching someone go through this process. We want to fix it. Offer solutions. Suggest medication. Tell them to “just be happy.” But the dark night isn’t something to be fixed. It’s something to be walked through. Even the medical profession often misunderstands it. I remember trying to explain my inner process to my general practitioner before leaving for India. She looked at me and asked, “Have you ever been tested for bipolar?” That was not what I needed to hear days before embarking on a solo, months-long journey around the world. I remember questioning everything, even my own sanity, as I boarded that plane.

I doubted my inner call. I feared I was making a mistake. But what I didn’t realize was: I was already in it—the sacred disintegration. It was my own Ayahuasca-like journey without the plant medicine, meeting every demon that lived inside me.

And what I came to discover through this inner death was exactly what the dark night is here to reveal: radical peace. Self-love. Acceptance. A sense of purpose that no one could give me—and no one could take away.

The dark night of the soul teaches us to find peace in the nothingness. And that, ultimately, is its greatest reward.

So if you find yourself somewhere on this path, congratulations. You are not lost. You are being initiated. I send you my gentleness and grace, for this may be the hardest thing you've ever gone through. But it is also the most sacred. The most transformational. The most worthy.

You are among the rare and brave—the ones who dare to face their deepest shadows and rise like the phoenix from the ashes.

With love,

Wakenda Rose Roske